Updated: Jul 8, 2021
So you been fighting as a couple for a while, nothing seems to be going smooth anymore, plans that you use to make together for the future is slowly disappearing, and here you are, staring at the break up, single life… what now?
The first few days are hard, and you will only remember the good times, not the bad. Some days you will feel yourself in a world of your own, almost in a smokey haze slogging around doing your chores. There will be moments where you are happy and pleased it’s over but then there are those miserable times you just want the ground to swallow you up so you can lie in the dark without everyone asking you if you’re okay.
But fear not! The good news is, we have all been there and this isn’t humanities first rodeo. We learn from the women before us how to survive this awful time. So I have gathered the best moving on tips below to smooth the transition of relationship to newly fresh happy single you!
What we need to understand first is the psychology behind the emotions of the break up. Remember it is our own minds who are at war even when we are alone. Our minds cause us to overthink or under think and in turn our bodies overreact or under react. Most articles out there write about changing your look, or buying new shoes, or getting a new hairstyle… I believe that is too superficial. Love runs deep and its psychologically damaging, to heal fast but effectively, we need to concentrate at the root of the emotions….our minds. The tips below are based on changing the way of thought and instead of letting the mind control you, you control the mind and in turn control your emotions.
Whenever you find yourself reminiscing, stop and remember why you broke up.
Remember the times he snapped at you, remember the times he abandoned you to hang out with his friends, remember how he was treating you and how he promised to mind your heart but he broke it. Remember the times he didn’t include you, or maybe the time that he cheated. Whatever it was, remember it. Bring that to the forefront of your memories of him, so whenever you think of him, you associate immediately how badly he treated you.
Remember, men don’t get better after the first or second month, in fact they get worse.
A good friend of mine told me once, a man does not get better after the initial 2 months, in fact he will get worse, what you see in the very beginning is the best you will ever get. If you weren’t quite sure about him in the beginning because of something little like he didn’t have manners, he chewed with his mouth open or even he talked about his ex too much… well buckle up, unfortunately he won’t get better. Most successful women get with men who they think they can ‘fix’ because most of us women became successful by fixing everything in our way, taking on life without fear and fighting to be where we are, I mean it is a mans world right? Us women had to fight for equality, right to vote and equal pay… So it is only natural for a women to want to fix a man that she likes and thinks he has potential. But I’m here to tell you, you will be wasting your time, even if he does change, it will only be long enough to get you back on the fishing hook, and then he will slip into his old ways. Instead of finding someone who needs ‘fixing’ fall for someone who is just right for you, just perfect, trust me it will be worth it. So remember this every time you think of him, remember he would have only got worse, not better, and don’t let your mind trick you into thinking ‘this time will be different’ cause it won’t be, and you will only have to go through this cycle of pain again. Be kind to your heart, you only have one, nurture it and give it to the right person.
Meditate on Self Love
It is important to remember your self worth. It is crucial to say and believe with conviction that you are deserving of the right love, you are deserving of the romantic, caring, adoring love. Not just when someone thinks of you ‘every now and then’ , no! You deserve more than that, you deserve to be someone’s whole world! And there will be someone out there who is willing to give you what your ex couldn’t. And the new person will give it to you without you having to ask for it, and he will do it gladly with an open heart, because genuine love has a connection that is deep and It knows no bounds. Your new love will cherish your heart in ways your ex never could. And that is exactly what you deserve and what you will get, but before that happens you need to love yourself first. The love you have for yourself will set the tone for your next relationship.
The mind either lives in the future or the past- we need to live in the present- mind-fullness
By now you have realised you’re constantly living in the past, all the great trips you took together, or the places you were together, his jokes and stories. You are constantly living in the past, which means that you are actually not living in the present in fact you are not living at all! Try going outside and admiring the blue sky or the green tree. Look down at your shoes and appreciate you have them. See the inside of your hand and appreciate you have them. Look at your pet, and appreciate they are here with you. Remember everything that has come to existence is also destructible which means that one day you might not have them anymore, so appreciate the little things right now, and be happy and content with who you are, the relationships that you have such as friendships, and appreciate what you have achieved no matter how little, someone out there would only dream to have achieved what you have. Someone out there is right now living without a mother or a father, someone out there is living alone without friends and wishing they had friends, someone out there is lost their dog….you see where I’m going with this, appreciate what you have not what you have lost.
Believe in good things coming
Find comfort knowing that there is someone who is perfect for you who you will meet soon. Believe in the good things coming, believe in the right relationship full of romance, love and support. Believe and actually imagine and feel the feelings you will have when you finally find the person who supports you, cheers you on, proudly presents you to his friends and family, makes plans with you and is deeply gutted when you are not with him. Cause that person is either a meter away or 6 months away, but he is coming. Don’t slip back into old ways because you fear someone else might not come along, cause that negative energy is exactly the vibe you are giving out. Believe in good things coming, and the good things WILL come. I promise the universe has a lovely way of making everything happen for a reason!
Give your heart the time to heal
And the final but most crucial of all, give your heart some time to heal. Feel all the pain, and all the emotions, soak it all up and let them go, one by one. and day by day things will get easier. Just like all the other muscles in the body, the heart must rip in order to get stronger. When you finally see the light, you will be a newly re-born best you, with a heart of fire, ready to love again with passion.
To nurture the heart, one must first control the mind.
The Earth Healer